Cage Fighting Web

I need to know if this story is good, and things that would make it better. This is not by me, its by an 11 year old boy. Thanks!

I never thought this would happen to me. Well I should’ve known. I was a blood-sucking monster. By the way my name is Kinkta Well here is the story.
I just woke up. I got out of my tent and looked at our camp. Our camp is a vampire camp with a few beds in each tent. This is the one place where we don’t really have to hide. The biggest tent is in the center of camp where our leader sleeps and his deputies. You have to be really lucky to make it there. Anyways I was up this early for the morning news.
“Bad news, bad news indeed. Five vampires were killed today. Over the years we’ve lost 500.” Said sakatome. He is our leader.
“This war must end!!!” I yelled.
“Well Kinkta there’s not one thing we can do, about it!”
“Send me to look for more vampires! There’s plenty out there!”
“No, we need you here for the war!” He replied
“NO, I WILL NEVER STOP ARGUING YOU HAVE TO LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed at the top of my voice
“Fine, get yourself killed you leave at 11:00 pm tonight!”
“But what if you don’t come back?” He asked.
“I will because I am strong.” With that I left.
You see that’s the kind of crap that gets us killed out!!!I went to my tent and packed all of my belongings. I put on my death jacket, strapped my cursed blade to my arm, and put my hook chains on. I was ready.

Chapter 2: Off for the Quest
It was 10:28 pm. I was all set to go. Then one of the female vampires came to wish me luck. So I left the tent and went into the forest. As I was traveling I heard strange noises. Then I came to a base camp of orgs. Great orgs are not the friendly type of monsters you want to meet. Since it was only 11:30 they were sleeping in there tents. Inside their tents they had a young boy in their I’d say about 13 in a cage. “Who are you?” The boy asked.
“I’m a vampire.” I replied.
“Please don’t suck my blood.” The boy said.
“Oh don’t worry, I’m a good guy.” I answered.
“The orgs captured me,” He said.
“I’ll get you out. Stay still.’ I said. I hooked my hook chains to the cage door and pulled. The cage door opened. There was an org outside, and when he saw me, he woke up all the orgs. Well this is going to be a fight to finish. “Ok kid stay back this should not take very long.” I said.
As the orgs closed in on me I had an idea. “Grab my hook chain!” He did so. “I’m going to swing you around, kick the orgs in the face!” I said as he kicked I swung. When he came down on the ground I looked at the orgs, and they were all knocked out on the ground.
“Well kid you fight pretty well for a 13 year old.”
“Hey why do I have sharp teeth?”
“Well, well, well you’re a vampire! So that’s why the orgs took you away from your home!” I said.
“So I’m a vampire? Cool!!” He said.
“No, not cool.” I yelled. “Now I have a 13 year old vampire to look after. Great. Just great. I come to look for vampires, and I find a 13-year-old kid! Look kid-“ Hey my names Axle.” He said.
“Well look, you can’t fight in a war so go home kid!”
“No you need me.” He yelled
I know, it could use a little less talking and a little more detail, but it has a lot of action in the other pages, i just didnt have a chance to write anything else down

dor an 11 year old? this is greeat, he should try writing in detail more though (:

answer mine? pleease?

Originally posted 2010-09-02 21:26:11. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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